Social Worker in a Strange Land

Giving Thanks

2009-11-27T18:22:00.003-05:00

I'm debating whether to come back to this blog, yet again. Partly because many things I would like to write about I fear I will disrupt confidentiality. So, I am going to attempt to restore some anonymity, and play around a bit with it while I decide.

Given yesterday was Thanksgiving, I thought I would work my way back in by giving thanks. I am, of course, thankful for my parents, brother and other family members and friends that have always been a constant in my life. But most of all these days I am thankful for my husband and the life and partnership we share together. I am thankful he loves me enough to put up with my quirks and let me know how much he loves and appreciates my strengths. I am thankful for the little family unit and happy life we have created with our dog and cat in our little humble home.

I am also very thankful for the path my career has led me on. I am so grateful that I have been able to make positive connections with clients and professionals so that I maintain respected among my peers and appreciated for the work I am capable of. I am so thankful that those professional relationships have led me to the new job I will be in full time come January. It's been a disappointing month to learn that the agency I work for will not sustain the school mental health program I have been a part of for three years. I hate that my kids at the school will possibly be losing that very necessary service in their community. But I am fortunate that I can move forward to help other families and hope to ensure I link all my current kids to appropriate services as I leave.

Tired

2009-06-13T12:49:00.002-04:00

I've neglected to post anything for awhile because I have been very busy and very tired. School is done. My school is now closed permanently. There has been a lot of possible changes thrown around about where I will be in the fall. It's now come full circle that I will remain at the school I was intended to transition to. We've started camp, it's a nice change of pace but already exhausting. On top of the schools, I am now working every weekend at the Crisis Center I cover shifts at, at least until mid July. In addition to that, I have been offered the position at the treatment office I recently interviewed at. I will be providing treatment to kids and families who have experienced trauma, are involved with DCS or have special needs. I should be doing this only 10-15 hours a week, so hopefully I don't completely burn out doing all three of these jobs at once.

Needless to say, with all this working and wedding planning going on (we're coming into all the busy details now with less than three months to go), I've little time or drive to write on the blog. I'll probably get back into it soon. I often write things in my head, I just don't post them. I think some things lately are too close to breaking confidentiality or they are things I just don't wish to share. So, you may not see much on here for a bit, but I am sure it won't last long.

Talent Shows, my new side business

2009-05-26T16:29:00.004-04:00

I think I mentioned before I had agreed per some of my clients' request to help coordinate a talent show for the entire school. As soon as I committed I began to wonder why. I had so many kids sign up, I had to hold auditions. I hated to pick and choose. Social worker me, I wanted to include everyone. But, I had a teacher and the music teacher help me pick out the participants. Once that was set, I then had kids walking into my room at various points of the day, every day, to talk about what they were doing, when they could practice, etc. I was happy to help them facilitate what they needed for the performance, but I had to get snippy when kids just started walking in my room. I already have that problem with teachers- walking in without knocking. Confidentiality is a paradigm not all teachers understand. . . .

But as we got down to the wire, I had three students (who are also three of my clients) hosting the show and they worked hard to help me organize and get things together. We had some amazing performances and some that seemed to go on forever, as happens with elementary school talent shows. I got lots of great feedback from the teachers and I think many of the students enjoyed. I think the participants particularly got a thrill from the excitement and applause. All in all, I would probably do it again. Now that I know how to organize it a little better and make sure I have plenty of allocated time for rehearsals.

The side story is in the midst of coordinating the script, who was performing when and such, was that the principal almost put an end to it when one of the students was found to have pictures of naked men on the camera she had brought in to take photos of the show. She wasn't aware they were on there, but they were there. . . scandalous and made the afternoon all the more crazy, on top of the usual afternoon blow ups.

Experiencing work related trauma

2009-05-18T18:10:00.006-04:00

My friend and the school social worker noted in our staffing team meeting today that we have not perhaps spent enough time this year debriefing our traumas. Trauma seems like such a significant word with so much heaviness to it. Trauma is the word I attribute to the children who are severely abused in various ways, experience extreme violence, house fires and other major horrific events. But she is right, we as the professionals have repeatedly been subjected to trauma throughout this year.

In this year, I have been attacked physically more than I ever was working in residential. I've been verbally accosted by kids and parents. I have played a role in supporting initial disclosures and treatment of significant sexual and physical abuse and other trauma with many children on my case load this year. I know two families that have lost all their possessions to house fires. I know at least five (maybe more) families that have lost a close family member to gun violence in the past six months. I have been threatened by a colleague I should be collaborating with, who instead made me feel like she wanted me removed from my job. And as egotistical as it may sound, I did not in any way deserve to be removed or threatened in such a manner. I am good at what I do. You have to engage with this woman and see how she operates and communicates with others to understand the stress she caused for not only me, but many teachers and other staff.

The school has functioned this year in a constant state of crisis, only worsening as the year progresses towards the end. The cycle of each school year always makes things challenging in the late spring, last months of the semester. But with the closure of the school and lack of a cohesive team or school, it has been much worse this year. Going from one crisis to another, we have had no time to really debrief as one should when there has been a major trauma. The lack of a team as compared to what was in place at the school last year has left me often feeling very isolated, with only the support of the school social worker. I think if we didn't have at least some moments with each other to vent (they are hard to get sometimes because we are so busy), I would have had an even greater struggle. In addition to the increased professional isolation within the school, my position is one that I am left to be very autonomous. Although I like this in many ways, I do not have the supervision and clinical support that I have come to realize all social workers need, regardless of skill level.

The scariest part is I started to believe, this is just the path I have chosen. This is what I am supposed to be able to handle each day. If I can't handle all the abuse, maybe I'm not as good of a social worker as I thought I was.

I know these thoughts are incorrect. I know I deserve a reasonably healthy working environment, despite the high needs of a population I may work with. I know I deserve to work among a supportive and collaborative team. I've had it before, and I think we as individuals do our jobs better when there is collaboration and support from those around us. I just hope I can attain some sense of that next year . . .

Did I mention the nine days? Actually, it is eight with Memorial Day holiday. Sweet.

On a lighter note- a parent actually picked their child up on the family's horse today. This is an urban neighborhood, y'all. At least there are those moments to shake your head and laugh about.

I thought I left shoplifting in the past with other childhood risk taking.

2009-05-18T17:53:00.003-04:00

I stopped by the drug store on my way to the second job tonight, mainly to pick up anti-itch cream for my third bout of poison ivy (so far this year). Our yard is plagued with all sorts of itch causing contaminants and random plants. We are working on eradicating them.

So, I get my anti-itch cream, decide to treat myself to a carbonated beverage, and walk right out the door. I realized as soon as I walked out that I had forgot to pay for my two items. I freaked out and walked back in, waiting for alarms to sound and someone to place me in handcuffs. In reality, I probably would have never gotten caught. The cashier was oblivious to most things around her. But, I managed to wait in line and add a pack of gum to my purchase.

Can we say exhaustion? Nine days of school left. . . .that is the current mantra, subtracting one each day.

Two weeks to go

2009-05-17T07:40:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted much lately because I haven't had much to say. Just busy, tired and extremely stressed. We've got two weeks left at the school. I've agreed to do a talent show, which has put me in an unusual position given my role at the school is somewhat of an outsider (working with an outside agency). I've got all these kids that are now seeking me out for support and guidance on their performance or whatever is on their minds. "Miss Lisa, Can you be my mentor, too?" They don't get it. On top of agreeing to do this to facilitate some closure for the kids, I am dealing with daily driving one of my kids to partial (intensive daily outpatient treatment) on top of everything else that goes along with the last two weeks of the school year. Teachers and staff, including myself, are wiped out and we are just trying to maintain as best we can to make it through the end.

I'm also working out the second job thing. I've been connected with a therapy position at another agency that I can do in the evenings part time, and I will be picking up shifts at the crisis center I worked at during grad school. We'll see how this goes. I need the extra money, but I am not sure what my threshold is for working with kids and families who have been abused or are at high risk in other ways. Can't hurt to try though right?

So far, I have managed the last couple weekends to really enjoy myself and get what I want out of them. I need the time in order to survive the upcoming week. We were going to take care of some wedding stuff today, but have decided instead to work around the house, work in the yard and engage in our hobbies (me on the pottery wheel and Luke with his playstation 3). The wedding stuff can wait. There's plenty of time and I just need to get through the next two weeks.

Mother's Day Brainstorm

2009-05-08T10:20:00.003-04:00

I am at my other school today, the one I am at only one day a week (but slated to be full time here next year). It's nice and quiet compared to my Monday-Thursday school. The therapist here yesterday does a weekly group. It appears that she probably had the boys in the group make Mother's Day cards. There's a lovely list of brainstormed ideas of what they could write. It made me smile, so I wanted to share:

You are:
beautiful
funny
nice
a good cook
caring
super
kind
supercalafragalistic (this is how they spelled it on the board, I really have no clue how that should be spelled.)
a great mom
a wonderful mom
a special mom
an adorable mom
patient
understanding
good

You take good care of me.
You listen to me.

The Facebook Dilemma

2009-05-08T09:45:00.003-04:00

I have been thinking about rejoining Facebook. But, I continue to resist the urge to succumb to this form of communication. Once there was a time when email was considered impersonal. Now we stay in touch with each other by status updates? Part of my problem is I have a tendency to over personalize things. Missing out on certain information with friends or certain events, because I am not on Facebook. I tend to find it a little hurtful, although I know it is not personal. That is really the only reason I would rejoin- because I feel like I am missing out.

Also, part of my personal insecurities are simply the fact that my relationships have begun to change. With Luke, I have established a happy and more domestic life. We do not have money to go out very often, so we don't. I am not intentionally anti-social with others, although sometimes I fear my friends might think that I am. Paranoia. It's a sad thing.

So, due to these fears, I think maybe I should get back on Facebook. Maybe I just have to accept that this is the evolution of communication among loved ones. It's the fast track to feel connected to each other when we are far apart and/or too busy to actually call or email each other. But, I just don't want to accept that. I think if we want to sustain our relationships, we can and should make the time. I am speaking about myself here, too. I know I need to be better about communicating and keeping up with loved ones. But, I am thinking I would like to be better about writing letters and making phone calls, not letting everyone know on Facebook in a status statement that I am tired at work today, or plan to see Star Trek this weekend.

So, the internal debate continues. . .

Let's Hear It for the East

2009-05-07T07:41:00.002-04:00

I think I will encourage Luke to go to grad school on the east coast. They definitely seem to meet my liberal needs more than our current living environment. Let's hear it for civil rights being expanded to now the state of Maine.

My accomplishment of the day

2009-05-05T07:12:00.003-04:00

After working at school all day and then working (albeit, it was pretty easy) at the crisis center all evening yesterday, I managed to get up this morning and do a full 25 minute run on my own. Granted, Luke had to poke me to get out of bed a little. And for those who have lived with me they know me and mornings don't always mix. But I ran it without him, without stopping. I'm pretty proud.

I need a dessert

2009-05-04T21:09:00.002-04:00

I am always trying to improve my cooking now that I have someone to cook for on the regular, who can't seem much to cook for himself. I think he's just spoiled, although he did once put nutmeg on chicken as a primary (and I think the only) seasoning.

I'll soon be working a second job every weeknight in the evenings, so I am planning out our weekend meals to allow for left overs and plan to pre cook meals that can be heated throughout the week. I've planned our food for the next two weeks. Within that time, we will have our one year anniversary. We have agreed we are not making a huge deal of it or spending money, but I have a homemade gift or two in mind and want to make a nice dinner.

I also need a dessert. Desserts are requested almost nightly but rarely available unless I've picked up a pint of Ben and Jerry's or a bag of ginger snaps. I need desserts in general I am willing to make, and preferably won't defeat my fitness goals, but how easy is that? I subscribe to loads of food blogs, a few dessert specific, but can't find anything I feel like making. Any suggestions out there? I needs some tasty ideas that aren't too complex. I am all about spending time on an entree or any savory dish but I lose patience with desserts. Maybe if I had better baking gear . . .

Give me any suggestions, please.

18 Days

2009-05-04T18:16:00.003-04:00

That is how long I have left at my current school (counting only school days) before it closes permanently. I am both relieved and frightened by that day count. (We've had one other school in the district close this week for the flu epidemic, and I've joked that I wish our school would so I would have even fewer days.) I picked up a handful of new kids on my case load toward the end of this school year. Most of them are kindergartners with very difficult behaviors. I am doing my best to support the children, hopefully teach them some skills and alleviate the stress of the teachers, but I don't feel like much can be accomplished in a month to two months. Plus, in the summer it is so hard to engage the families that I work with and maintain consistent treatment. It's maintenance- that feels like that is all I can do at this point for some of my families. For the ones who are engaged and really want my services, it is different, but that is a small percentage.

I was feeling edgy all day yesterday and I think my anxiety is increasing about all the factors that will come with the closure of this school that has been open for I believe 75-100 years. It is one of the last components holding together a community that is falling apart. Like many communities on the East side and other parts of Indianapolis that used to be considered thriving, the area surrounding my school is overloaded with gun and gang violence, drugs, and an ever increasing lack of respect for people and buildings surrounding the area. It seems at least weekly there is a gun fatality in the neighborhood over the past two months. Many of the kids I work with seem to always somehow be related to each person killed. (There's a lot of intermingling between couples, I do believe. Everyone is every one's cousin.)

Any important community components such as central shopping/grocery and the fire station have all been long shut down. Even the Village Pantry, the local convenient store mecca, was shut down last year. Hence the reason really for the school closing. As much as Dr. White, the school district's superintendent does things and makes decisions that I am not happy with, I understand the economics of the school closures. Eight schools last year and six this year, mostly due to lowering enrollments and budget restraints.

But there is such a personal side to this. 300 teachers, nine of them nominated for teacher of the year, are slated to be laid off. Many teachers that could are not retiring because of the losses in their retirement savings and changes in retirement packages offered by IPS. The teachers who have only worked one to three years are the teachers most at risk to lose their jobs. For the families that live in the community, some of them went to the school that their child now attends. While there seems an ambivalence in some neighborhoods, our closure meeting with the superintendent was one of the highest attended by families and one of the most heated. There are those who remain in this neighborhood because it is a part of who they are; they do have a sense of community. And now that is all being essentially lost with the closure of the school.

So, following that tangent, there in lies some of my anxiety. I am worried about this community in general. I worry that the kids I love have no real safe place to go for leisure and positive experiences. I worry that as the school exits, the community is essentially left with nothing to hold on to.

On a personal level and in working with the kids on my caseload, I worry about the kids I know I will have a hard time keeping up with in the summer and what they will be up to without positive support. I worry about the kids I have had in treatment for more than two years, but still need ongoing support (They will be transferred to new therapists at their new schools, but we social workers know how these disruptions can interrupt the treatment progress and consistency.) I worry about how this last month will be for me, for them, for the teachers as we all essentially say goodbye to each other.

On a selfish level, I am worried about the fact that the Case Manager on my team will move to a new part of our organization and I will be managing my entire caseload on my own this summer. I worry about the transition of transferring all my current clients to their new schools in the fall while at the same time picking up a full case load at a new school location. I worry about feeling like the new guy at the new school location and having to acclimate to a new principal, new teachers and how they operate. But, that also may be an advantage for me to start fresh in a few areas with the new school, especially now that I have improved my skills in the past year when it comes to dealing with difficult administrations.

And I have it easy, really. Many of the teachers at my school have been teaching in the same classroom for 20, 30 years or more. I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions they have gone through as they pack up essentially their lives and move to new schools, which they had to reinterview for to keep their jobs. The closure for them will be leaps and bounds beyond what I am contemplating.

A wordle

2009-05-03T16:36:00.002-04:00

This was an interesting Wordle pulled from my blog. I think I saw the word guilt at least twice. Funny.

Be nice

2009-05-02T10:16:00.001-04:00

The loveliness and simplicity of being nice.

Getting back to center

2009-05-02T10:00:00.002-04:00

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves
of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is a
symbolic as well as actual beauty in the migration of the birds,
the ebb and flow of the tides, the folded bud ready for the spring.
There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of
nature–the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring
after the winter. The lasting pleasures of contact with the natural
world…are available to anyone who will place himself under the
influence of earth, sea and sky and their amazing life.
- Rachel Carson (1907-1964)

It has been a really tough week. In addition to the typical outbursts, suspensions, threats to kill, I had a significant hospitalization occur with one of my kids. I also was harboring guilt because the crisis point at which she was ID'd by police was when I went home sick. I'm not going to go into detail, but it was a bad situation and her life is going to continue to be challenging for quite some time. I'm only human, but damn it seems every time I take a sick day one of my kids falls apart. And feeling completely zapped of energy most of the week didn't help me much.

So, now, with the lovely quote above and my intentions for the weekend, I am trying to do my best to expunge the stresses of the week and rejuvenate. I had a relaxed and fun evening babysitting last night two of the brightest and most wonderfully raised children I know (I'm biased because she's a very close friend, but she's a damn fine mother) and watching Bolt with Luke at home. (So cute. I cried and contemplated adopting another dog. . . but no).

This morning I have gotten in my run and yoga, cleaned out the G-Reader, leaving the only most enjoyable guilty pleasures such as art, music, food and wedding blogs to peruse. I'm headed to the season opener of my neighborhood farmer's market with Nia to get a few veggies, drink more coffee, and visit a friend playing there today (who is also slated to play at our wedding). After that, the rest of the day is reserved for leisurely household chores and working on the pottery wheel. After my morning routine and CBS Sunday morning tomorrow, it will be more chores and more pottery wheel practice.

I am feeling better already.

A clarification

2009-04-30T19:31:00.002-04:00

And maybe a little bit of an apology . . . I apologize for perhaps not being clear and seeming a little passive aggressive, reactionary and anti-feminist.

I am not anti-feminist. By all accounts I am feminist because I believe in the core values of feminism. I, of course, believe in advocating for equal opportunities for women, just as much as any other category of human beings. I would be a strange social worker to not. I was just trying to vent some of the pressures I feel. I hate to label it as guilt, but after a long discussion with my partner, that is what it appears to be (to others, per his perspective after reading my blog). I do not think I feel guilty, but I do get reactive at times about others who I think are trying to make me feel guilty for the personal choices I make. . . okay, so yes, I feel guilty. Perhaps my last entry was a passive aggressive response to that guilt.

Part of it, specifically when it comes to the question of a name change, is that I struggle myself with the decision. Yes, I know the idea of a woman changing her last name at marriage is ingrained historically in patriarchal views of ownership. The things I have read about the history of changing a woman's surname at marriage is actually quite disturbing- for "protection" of family and wealth and "acknowledgement of God's endorsement in the marriage." Yikes. We live in a fairly egalitarian, non religious household so those do not fit us at all.

For me though, the idea of possibly changing my name is not about the scary patriarchal ownership of a woman and her possessions and children. It clearly isn't about God. It's about joining in a partnership with the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I like the idea of sharing the same name as symbol of that partnership, not of ownership. Luke knows in a million years he could never "own" me. I think we need to remember that history is the past, things evolve. Traditions may remain throughout culture and time, but they change and evolve into new meanings. People as individuals attribute their own meanings to traditions, to make it of import to them.

So, I guess, without veering off on another passive aggressive train wreck, I just want to say that I support all feminists. I support all people that promote change and equality for any individual. You know that with my stance on gay marriage, my philosophies as a social worker, and other ways in which I try to live life as an advocate for women, as well as other genders, races, backgrounds. I wholeheartedly believe in the core values of these philosophies and will speak against any one that denies individual rights. I just don't want to be made to feel guilty because I may make a personal decision to do something that has patriarchal roots.

There it is again . . . guilt. Luke was right.

He says I should stop over thinking it. I should just flip a coin. I've got three more months to decide . . .

Reflections on the pressures of how to have a wedding

2009-04-29T09:24:00.011-04:00

I am home sick today, so I am taking some of my down time to clean out my starred items in G-Reader. I subscribe to way too many blogs and at times I star things because I want to save them for later (like the beau coup recipes I have loaded on there), don't have time to read them but want to, or I want to reflect and comment on them. Many of these involve thoughts about weddings, the wedding industry, and feminism in regards to weddings/getting married.

I have never identified myself as a feminist, personally or to others. I believe in the essential principals of those who announce themselves as feminists believe, but I have always felt partly by societal views of feminism and partly by how far some women take it, it gets a little too extreme for my taste. I also often feel judged, by friends and strangers alike, because perhaps I am not feminist enough. Or, it is not okay that I am considering taking Luke's last name as my own when we get married. Or, that I am totally cool with our gendered roles in the household. Because, dude, Luke cannot cook.

I was pretty pleased with how I defined what feminism is to me at a recent ladies night one of my gal pals hosted. I said that it shouldn't be about asserting yourself to show you can fill a typical male role just as well as a man, but that you should be comfortable and confident to do what you want and be who you are, whatever that means to you. When feminism begins to make women feel bad because they like their engagement ring, they want to have the same name, and they wouldn't mind so much if it was financially feasible to stay at home and devote attention to the kids, that's when I get irritated and I think the purpose of feminism is defeated.

Aren't we just making life harder on each other by criticizing personal choices? I understand labeling the whole name change thing as patriarchal, but what's wrong with just liking the idea of having the same last name as my partner. Luke has left that decision totally up to me. I think he even would like me to keep my name, just because it's so damn cool, but I am undecided on that one. I actually wish he had an opinion, that might make it a little easier for me. I am trying to convince him we should both take my name- because it is so much cooler- but I think he's worried that would rock the paternal boat a little too much.

Then there is the dress issue. Apparently even a somewhat traditional dress is wrong even if its ivory, not white. I am stoked about my dress. It's not too puffy, it flatters my big ass and suits my quirky style of classic/offbeat/vintage. Plus I will have funky blue shoes if I can find some, does that count? And as for my engagement ring- when we first started talking engagement, I suggested a simple ring with a sapphire. Cheaper, blue (our favorite color) and his birthstone. But he went and surprised me with something a bit more sparkly. How could I refuse that?

I realize I am being a little melodramatic, but being a few months away from getting married and subscribing to perhaps too many blogs (wedding and non wedding related), I feel inundated by opinions that if you are not offbeat enough or non traditional enough, you are not okay. It's actually these feminist and non traditional folks at times that have made me feel more uncomfortable about our wedding decisions than the traditional wedding industry. Because, as Luke would say, "We do what we likes and we likes what we do." We won't include anything just because some one tells us we have to. That's why I have tried to consolidate the blog roll and keep it to writers I appreciate and respect, such as Sara at 2000 Dollar Budget Wedding, Meg at A Practical Wedding, and Ariel at Offbeat Bride, among a few others. That although some may feel things like favors are ridiculous, for others there is a practicality or special meaning and value behind them. As Meg says in this post, "If instead, we strive to create a wedding that reflects who we are and what we value, we will, without trying, create details that will form an indelible impression in our guests minds, details that will be a gift."

I really did not think I would ever meet someone I was compatible with enough to marry and think I could commit to spending the rest of my life with him. I found in Luke a partner who understands, appreciates and supports me better than anyone I have ever known. I am lucky to have the legal opportunity to bind our commitment in marriage. I know that my friends who are homosexual would not want me to abstain from celebrating that opportunity because they can't yet. I definitely have had some moments of getting caught up in the wedding industry. In fact, if I had it to do over again I may have tried to find us a simpler outdoor venue than the one we have. (It's hard being atheists and trying to find a place to have a whole wedding event outside, harder than one might think.)

But, in the end, we will have a wedding outside, we will hopefully have many people that love us there to celebrate with us, the details of our ceremony and reception will speak to who we are, we will have fans that some might consider favors (but, damn it, it will be hot out there!), and you know my side of the family. . . we value a kick ass party. So it should hopefully be a good time had by all.

I think what all pending brides, those who may judge us for being too traditional or not traditional enough need to keep in mind are these mantras:
(from 2000 Dollar Budget Bride)

No matter what happens, we'll still be married in the end.
Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
A wedding is about community, connection, commitment, and fun--not ________ [insert any number of trivial and inconsequential items that the Wedding Industrial Complex claims are absolutely essential].
Our relationship/marriage is more important than our wedding.

Exhaustion

2009-04-27T17:27:00.001-04:00

I am so exhausted. Just let me whine for a minute. . . I am not sure if it is allergies, a cold, the slight sunburn from my volunteering outside yesterday, work burn out, or if I am still recovering from the (too much) fun we had at the Stutz Gallery Open House Friday night, but I am exhausted.

I think I could go to bed right now.

Maybe it's the swine flu. Kidding.

Showers

2009-04-24T15:01:00.003-04:00

I can empathise with the apathy surrounding a traditional bridal shower. Given we have no bridal party, we also have no expectations about showers, bachelor or bachelorette parties. I have had a few friends ask and I am not quite sure how to respond to any of them. I definitely don't want anything traditional in the way of girls sitting around while I open a bunch of gifts. Boring. I also don't want themed parties that involve home sales such as cooking gear, candles or tupperware. Annoying and boring. I wouldn't mind just having a party to celebrate, but isn't that what are reception will be? Just not sure we need to be in on the whole shower thing. Maybe I'll host a green bottle party this summer. . . I need green bottles for my recycled vase project.

Child actor safety and welfare

2009-04-23T10:48:00.002-04:00

It looks like the makers of Slumdog Millonaire were a bit wiser and empathetic, or perhaps just learned from the mistakes of the Kite Runner makers.

Cute table numbers

2009-04-23T10:29:00.003-04:00

We've debated about including Nia in the wedding. I think in the end it would be more of a hassle than it is worth. But, I am digging these table numbers. Maybe mix it up a little more, but what a cute way to include her and make some very visible and eclectic table signs.

My social work life

2009-04-22T18:52:00.004-04:00

I have had lots of moments in the past few weeks again where I am writing all sorts of commentary in my head about my work life- things I would like to post. Such as the fact that the Medicaid cuts are now affecting hospitalizations of kids seriously at risk and threatening to kill others, the fact that I had to watch a kid with RAD who was really just reacting to her triggers get arrested last week, or the fact that I am working with a mom who was doubling up on medication prescribed to her child (and I wonder if maybe taking some for herself). But I just can't write at length about any of these things. They are weighing me down enough. I am seriously getting burnt out at my lack of progress with so many kids and families.

But, today was different. Today was a day that I was reminded why I do what I do and that eventually, things can improve. That was essentially the same pep talk I got from an older, wiser, more experienced colleague a few weeks ago. A person I respect very much. I think she is aware I am feeling like I have hit a wall. My school is closing. I work with ten year olds being initiated into gangs. I have chronic families whose kids do not improve because their parents cannot make changes for themselves. I have school staff pointing fingers and wondering why my magic wand is not working.

But today I got a little of what my colleague was talking about in her pep talk. It may take time and you may feel like you are repeating yourself, but in time you see a positive change for these children. It can be any combination of things- the parents change how they manage the situation, a bad influence exits the stage, the medication prescribed seems to work in the way it supposed to to manage symptoms, what we say actually resonates with the child. . . that spark is created that motivates real change. The case manager I supervise has provided most of the interventions for a child we work with. I child I see so much intelligence and heart in, but a child who became increasingly frustrating because it felt like nothing reached him. In the past week, he has gotten positive notes at almost every end of the day from his teacher, he is coming to me to talk about concerns he has for his sister (also a client of mine) and her peer difficulties, he is open and seeks support and "breaks" when he feels his trap doors being opened. I am not sure what has sparked or changed. I am afraid to ask him for fear of jinxing it or something. This is the kid I thought was headed for the gang Murder Squad 13. But he is coming into his own as the insightful, thoughtful individual I have always known him to be but feared was slipping away. I like to think the work we have done has finally helped him get here. Mainly, the work my CM at the school has done with him. I hope it lasts.

Little birdies

2009-04-22T18:41:00.005-04:00

I was pretty anti-cake topper. We've got a yummy lemon cake planned. And that's all that matters right, the taste. Well, maybe a little bit is presentation. I even labored over the strawberry lemon cake I made just for me and Luke the other day (it turned out lopsided, but I still made sure the strawberry slices looked pretty). I have always hated traditional cake toppers and the ones I had seen were silly cliches of the man and wife, wife dragging groom to be married, all ridiculous. But I thought these guys were pretty cute, so now we'll have a cake topper.

Now I am into the bird thing. Trying to keep it outdoorsy, natural, and DIY as much decor as I can, I am thinking about making birds with all my new clay tools. Maybe place card holders- ceramic birds. . . a 150 of them? That probably won't happen. But I might experiment a little with some simple forms like these:

Mmm, fresh rosemary

2009-04-22T18:37:00.002-04:00

I've got a random chicken concoction baking in the oven right now with loads of fresh rosemary. I bought it at the grocery, but the gorgeous smell has me so tempted to get that garden started this weekend. I need to be growing my own fresh herbs and some of the veggies we use so often. They are too expensive in the stores and it would be so wonderful to say it came from our yard. I am thinking I may pick a few plants up at Locally Grown this weekend.

Em, you ready?

The cat

2009-04-21T12:11:00.002-04:00

I mentioned the cat when we got her in February. After hiding out in her "sanctuary" for a couple weeks, she came out of seculsion, but only really to socialize with Nia. They are like two little love birds. Well, actually, I think Nermal loves Nia. Nia just puts up with it. Poor Nia. We have been using her to get the cat near us. If Nia is sitting with us, the cat will usually join. Nermal has gradually let us pet her more, but she still remains aloof. I've never had a cat that exerts such stereotypical independence. Nia is still the favored pet, even though she has recently again taken to chewing on unlawful items (such as raw steak and our Farkle game).

Nermal at about 9 weeks

Nia and Nermal recently, cuddling up together

Let the masterpieces be created . . .

2009-04-21T12:06:00.002-04:00

My wheel and kiln arrived last night. I'm stoked, but I think Luke is already worried he wasted his money. It took some time to get it all set up and organized and then I attempted to throw for a while. I only have a small hunk of clay and after a few failed attempts it was too wet to do anything with.

It's harder than I remember. I hope to pick up some more clay and spend some time with it this weekend. We've already agreed by the time I successfully make and fire my first pot it has to go on display in the "china" cabinet.

My work area. And no, the cooler is not filled with beer. It's got clay in it. Yay!

National Geographic Picture of the Day

2009-04-21T10:03:00.001-04:00

I get the POD on my iGoogle. I love this photograph. So peaceful.

Working from home

2009-04-21T09:17:00.003-04:00

I am working from home today to await the cable guy (we're adding another internet outlet so we can watch Hulu on our new TV. YAY!) and get some admin stuff done. Being in the school, people walk into my room without knocking, there is often a kid that needs support and redirection, and with all the interruptions I can rarely get required trainings and chart updates done. Fortunately I can log into our electronic records from home. After our morning run and making breakfast, I was able to immediately get started. I managed to get one training and one treatment plan done before I got distracted and started planning wedding music . . . time to get back on task.

The Other Anti Gay Marriage Ad

2009-04-17T20:30:00.003-04:00

Got to love Mr. Colbert and his witty satire.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

NASA Name Contest

TCM and MRO

2009-04-13T18:22:00.002-04:00

Yes, there is not sufficient services, yet our Medicaid dollars keep getting cut. If the Feds have their way, I may be seeking a new job by summer 2010. One that doesn't involve extreme shifts to Targeted Case Management for individuals with mental illness and significantly limiting MRO.

By these changes, I mean some of the ones I am already seeing other Community Mental Health Centers (CMHCs) make in their ways of working. Many of the school providers are now implementing a TCM system in which one worker does all the assessment and linkage (to resources/services), one worker does the MRO interventions such as ADLs (activities of daily living), and a third worker does all the clinic (someone like me, who would only do individual, group and family therapy). This means there are three workers for one client. That sounds like a waste of money rather than being fiscally efficient, if you ask me.

On top of the monetary irregularities in this plan, it goes against social work philosophy. Many of the kids I work with are so transient, moving from home to home, they are lucky to stay with one clinician for the duration of treatment (which for me can mean years- these kids and families have chronic needs). Or, in the case of my current school, all my kids will lose me as their therapist after the summer because the school is closing. Now, with these proposed regulations (TCM expected to go in effect possibly after they move beyond the Moratorium and MRO changes that are slated for July 2010) kids will not only be subject to the constant changes in their day to day lives, but will have at least three workers serving their needs. Of course, I am speaking about my kids, in the communities I work in. For some populations and traditional outpatient offices this may work. But for me, this would mean I am not allowed to have a conversation with the teacher about how they are doing, assist them in the classroom or advocate for their needs at an IEP case conference- because I can't bill for it.

I can only take so much more of my job being all about billing. I know it keeps us going, but these are human lives we are talking about. It's about quality of care and appropriate therapeutic services to the individualized need.

Easter breakfast

2009-04-11T18:25:00.002-04:00

Instead of the scones, I got all the ingredients to make this savory cheesecake in the morning. It looks tasty, I hope it turns out well. The MOD ended up spending the day with me running errands, so no easter basket surprises for him. But spending the day together was much better that easter candy and trinket gifts. Usually on Saturdays he is studying and I am cleaning or getting other obligations taken care of that I didn't get done in the week.

My new hobby

2009-04-11T18:14:00.001-04:00

The MOD just ordered me this, along with a small kiln.

I think he is hoping I will get into the hobby I have always wanted to, and get off the computer and blog a bit more. He'll probably get his wish.

Breakfast goodies

2009-04-10T12:32:00.002-04:00

I am considering making these scones for breakfast Sunday morning. I love 101 Cookbooks. There are lots of great recipes on there. I have a tendency to star anything on my G-Reader that I don't have time to read then and there or that I may want to use later. I think I have starred almost every recipe posted since I subscribed to the feed.

Our Sunday morning routine almost always involves watching CBS Sunday morning and drinking coffee before we get started with errands, chores and studying (for the MOD). Since it is Easter, I am thinking some special breakfast treats are in order as well. I think I made the MOD nervous when talking about what I wanted to do for Easter, but he was appeased when I explained, "If we have an excuse to eat candy and make special foods, why not use it."

Doga

2009-04-09T19:22:00.002-04:00

Yoga is supposed to be meditative and relaxing. If I tried to do this stuff with Nia, she'd just jump on me and lick my face.

Check the photo of the chihuahua on the woman's belly. I couldn't load it on here.

Crafts galore

2009-04-09T19:19:00.003-04:00

True, but I still want the Encyclopedia of Crafts! Granted, I have yet to get all that crafty. But my DIY candle holders made out of wine bottles may be calling my name this weekend.

The Teen Veg Head

2009-04-09T19:13:00.002-04:00

I found this amusing. My first round of vegetarianism started around 15/16 after reading Diet for a New America. I lost a lot of weight. Many were worried I had some sort of eating disorder. Truth is, I just didn't know how to be a good vegetarian. Being a good vegetarian takes work. I didn't have time for that while I was hanging out with my friends at the coffeehouse, drinking as much coffee as possible and trying to be deep.

I think what this research suggests is silly. Kids just need support and education if they want to be a vegetarian, so they do it in a healthy way. Not living on Denny's fries and lunch room bagels everyday.

What lies beneath

2009-04-09T18:40:00.002-04:00

I consistently have to remind myself lately to keep an open mind and wait until I hear the full story. I have always believed that you have to hear someone's full story before you can know where they coming from. I don't think you ever "walk in someone's shoes." Each person's journey is individualized not just by what they experience, but how they perceive these experiences. You can do your best to understand and empathize, but never completely feel what that person is feeling or know exactly what they are thinking. But, I have had to remind myself of these beliefs a little more often in the past year because I have had some very difficult children and families come into my working life. Change is not easy in the community I work in, so I have to be careful as the change agent to not get too burnt out or jaded.

I was reminded and reflecting on these beliefs a lot this afternoon. I did an assessment on a new client. He is a kindergartner, cute as can be. I have interacted with him a little already because I already work with a few other kids in his class. One of my first interactions, I was helping the teacher manage him and the class while we had a speaker visiting the entire student body. His adorable big eyes immediately had me, but then I became quickly annoyed by the thumb sucking. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but I am determined to break that habit. If you are in school, you shouldn't be sucking your thumb. Of course, I also realized not knowing the child well this could be some regression for whatever may have occurred in his life. He was also very clingy to me at our first meeting, which was another big red flag for his needs.

This child is the same child I was concerned about in an earlier post relating to my frustrations with CPS. Before I met mom, I felt prepared to be a little more confrontational than usual, try to get the bottom of the child's injuries a few weeks ago. Then mom came in and started talking. She shared with me in detail some of her own history and emotional neglect as a child, due to her mother's alcoholism, her experiences with the child's father of domestic violence and the child's abuse by the father. She shared her goals and it was clear she was working hard, by going to school, working and raising her only child, to create a better life for her child. She seemed so open and honest, I didn't even go there with the questions about the injuries. At that point I think it would have come across as an attack and I could have lost the rapport I seemed to have quickly developed with her. I liked her. Maybe I had the wool pulled over my eyes, but I believe in my insight. I've always been good at reading people and have gotten better through the years as a social worker. I believe this woman does the best she can with the cards she's been dealt.

Here's hoping I am right.

I think I can, I think I can

2009-04-09T17:29:00.003-04:00

I have been trying to become a runner for about 6-7 months now. At first, I was doing what I like to call wogging. I would take Nia (our dog) with me and would speed walk, with a bit of jogging thrown in. Once the MOD heard I was trying to jog, he joined me and has been trying to turn me into a runner ever since. In the bitter 27below winter period, we moved inside to the treadmills at the gym. I did well and was running half hour stints, approximately 3 miles.

Then we went back outside. I hit a wall. My legs killed and I could barely run ten minutes. I am hearing from my long time running fans that this can happen when you run on a treadmill for too long. Happy to have that consolation. But, I was worried I couldn't make it over the hump again. Then I found the Couch to 5K Plan. I giggle every time I say what it is called, probably out of slight insecurity and embarrassment. It's help me rebuild my base and I am feeling stronger than I have before. This week I ran 23minutes, 40 seconds Tuesday and 21minutes today. It's not 30, but it's a few more minutes than I was able to run last week and before that I was running in intervals with periods of walking.

I was a little wimpy today- I think the bug floating around the school among all my kiddos is trying to get me. But, I still did 21 minutes, that's better than none. I just have to get past these insecurities that continue to weigh me down and I'll be at my goal. The little ghosts of middle school past haunt me at times when I am trying to be athletic. Fortunately, the MOD is supportive and patient. Lately, when I try to "get in the zone" and basically shut out the discomfort, I've been trying to think on this classic image:
This is a pretty good image to keep in mind for most things in life, really.

For the love of tofu

2009-04-09T08:00:00.002-04:00

So, it's ok to have vanity plates proclaiming your stand against abortion, but it is not okay to announce your love of tofu. Right, that makes sense.

G-Reader and Benadryl don't mix

2009-04-08T20:23:00.002-04:00

I didn't have any time for a GMail and G-Reader break today, so I came home to 455 things on my reader. Due to our ongoing poison ivy in this household, I have also taken three benadryl to help me sleep. On top of that the MOD is done studying and ready to hang out. Not a good mix. So much to read, so little time.

Crafty madness

2009-04-08T20:02:00.003-04:00

I tried to do something "eastery" with the girls in my girls' group this week. The plan was to make easter baskets, but make them with yarn. We made a glue mixture that we soaked the yarn in and then wrapped around a balloon to form the basket. I figured it would be a good exercise in coping skills, but that in the end we would have awesome little baskets that I would fill with treats once they were dry. They were supposed to look like this:

They are still on their balloons and drying in my classroom at the moment, but I have a feeling they won't look quite that nice. I remembered doing this before and it seemed much easier. I have my arty girl who is very talented but by being so, made this task a little to complicated. She tried to braid the yarn first, and then wrap the braided yarn around the balloon. It didn't stick too well. My one lovely gal who came in after being sick the day before and all morning, gave up quickly. I let get away with it today, she was sick after all. I must have said, "Make sure you you wrap it around the bottom," and "Remember, this is supposed to be a basket, you need a bottom so I can put treats in it for you tomorrow," five or ten times. In fact, I even let them know at one point I had said that five or ten times. Active listening skills, girls, active listening.

We'll see how they turned out in the morning. I've acquired premade back-up easter baskets, just in case.

More venting on CPS

2009-04-08T19:58:00.002-04:00

Since when did it become okay to go with what a suspicious parent says over a child's consistent explanations of incidence that put them at risk? I know some kids may say or do things that make their parents suspect, without realizing the repercussions. But, what if the child does know? What if the child tells me that he had access and took a gun from his home? What if three other children confirm seeing this gun and another parent confirms that their children were questioned about this gun? Do you think that would warrant further investigation by CPS?

You'd like to think so, but no.

National Organization for Marriage and other ridiculousness

2009-04-08T19:48:00.003-04:00

These folks are truly sad.

I had to stop at the store on my way back to school today from a meeting. I needed yarn for my girls' group. I ended up sitting in the parking lot in front of the store for thirty minutes listening to Diane Rehm Show. The panelist discussion was on Iowa and Vermont's recent passing of human civil rights for all couples to marry. As usual, the intelligent people who were able to cite history and empirical research that supports all families, not just families fostered by heterosexual couples I was cheering along with, while the individual (it sounded like there was only one) who was against passing legislation that ensures these basic rights kept going on about the "debate" and "people think." Who are these people? That small group of evangelicals in that stupid commercial and scattered lightly about the country? These are the people who should make decisions about every one's civil rights?

Again, the discussion boiled down to semantics. One panelist noted that when people are polled about civil rights and civil unions, most of the population tends to support it. But, when you throw in the word marriage, people freak out. Get over yourselves. Beyond being your "sacrament," historically marriage has also been a secular event. It is not for Christians or other significant religions to say what marriage should be.

YAY! Let's keep rolling 'em out

2009-04-07T18:11:00.002-04:00

Here's to yet another state giving individuals their much owed civil rights!

Paternity and Maternity leave

2009-04-05T14:03:00.001-04:00

Regardless of the gendered pitfalls, which are in process of improvement, I am still impressed with the leave time given to families for new children or other family needs. One of the many benefits I observed while living in the UK.

Simple but thoughtful

2009-04-05T13:58:00.002-04:00

This bothers me a little that it comes from Tiffany& Co, because it means they are probably using to get someone to buy someone else some bling. But I love the sentiment, regardless. (Found among a blog search on All Stripes.)

We should understand this by now

2009-04-05T13:54:00.003-04:00

Wow, drinking water could help maintain weight or reduce weight gain for youth? What a shocker! How long will it take for educational providers to understand what seems to me should be common sense? "Maybe if we get rid of the vending machines and encourage drinking water from (clean) water fountains, these kids will be healthier. . . "

Clean is the key. I fill my water bottle from the bathroom sinks at my school. I shudder to think about what's been put in or spit on to our water fountains.

I'm so tired of quantifying education

2009-04-05T13:47:00.002-04:00

Good Luck. How about we start looking at fostering positive communities and healthy families that will encourage learning and the importance of education? How about Dr. White takes another look at the raises provided to general admin staff while closing six schools, consolidating classrooms to larger sizes and laying off young and energetic teachers? Just a few of many things that need to be resolved if you want your quantified statistics raised. Which doesn't really mean that these children are receiving a well rounded education that will foster future success, it just means that they've learned how to recite what is expected to be on the ISTEP.

Let's here it for Iowa!

2009-04-05T13:41:00.003-04:00

At brunch this morning, we were all discussing if it would nice to move to Iowa, or just how transferable the marriages would be of those I love who are not allowed to marry in many other states. I don't think any of us are moving any time soon- it was just the fruity half priced champagne cocktails talking- but I am glad to see another step in the right direction within this country. Especially after the Prop 8 mess.

Home AND Community makeovers

2009-04-05T07:36:00.003-04:00

Extreme Home Makeover came to our town this past week. They came very close to home. A family in the Martindale-Brightwood community on the near North East side. Not too far from the school I currently work at one day a week and plan to be at full time next year. I am so pleased because not only did they give the family a new house, but they also provided beautification to the neighborhood by paving alleys (believe me, they are bad) and planting trees, as well as providing wireless internet to many in the circumference area of the chosen family's home.

I also read that they are planning to use School 37's building, a school that has closed and a school that we used to provide services at, as a facility to develop a community center. This is my dream. Working in these neighborhoods, I see the history and can envision how these areas used to be thriving communities. But, over the years, the homes have become dilapidated, often abandoned, and there has been an increasing level of crime and violence among the streets and homes. Shops and services have begun to abandon these areas because there is a decreasing economic stability for most businesses. The kids in these neighborhoods need a safe place they can go to have fun and feel supported. The parents need services to assist them with basic needs, educational and job linkage. I hope that this community center comes through and provides these needs to families.

A hunt for Easter ideas

2009-04-04T11:10:00.009-04:00

The MOD, Nia and Nermal (the pets) are all getting Easter baskets next Sunday. We may not believe in the christian beliefs that initiate a holiday such as Easter, but I definitely believe in painting eggs, eating chocolate and having a bit of a reason to make a big Sunday dinner. My family wasn't the church going kind. I didn't even know what easter was supposed to be about, I think until my teens. But, I always looked forward to the big dinners, hiding and hunting for eggs, and my mom's awesome easter baskets she made each year. I am so spoiled. I was still getting baskets in my early 20s.

The pets are easy. Treats, little toys, maybe a new scratch pad for Nermal. The MOD on the other hand was difficult at first to come up with some creative ideas. I did some google searching and this is the kind of crap I found:

Really, the extreme stereotyped and gendered gift ideas out there for men irritate me maybe even more than some of the women's. The MOD, albeit this is a biased account, is too dynamic for such generalized interest gifts and "manly" stuff. After spending too much time searching, I've managed to come up with some of my own ideas based on the facts that he is an academic, a thinker, a runner, a gamer, a lover of laughter, a man with a beard, and an aspiring landscaping and home improvement guru. I'm thinking he'll be pleased.

The MOD has a new game

2009-04-02T17:46:00.003-04:00

Yes, he still only has a Nintendo 64. Yes, he is dying for a play station. I've even added it to our registry, but more so as a joke. We don't expect anyone to get it for us/him. I don't expect any gifts, really. Just a good time. . .

But anyways, he has a new Zelda game. Majora's mask, or something. I love it because it gives me time to catch up on my G-Reader. I am getting a little blog crazy. Not just wedding blogs, mind you, but an ever increasing number of news, opinion blogs, as well as lots of great blogs with crafty and great home and food ideas. I just wish I had the time to experiment more with all the creative ideas I am finding!

And this is wedding related, but I found a great program/CD idea from It's Heavenly via Elizabeth Anne Designs. I hate hearts used as decor, especially related to weddings (way to predictable, girly and cutesy for me). But otherwise I love the layout and the holder contraption for this. I think the MOD vetoed CDs (favors in general, really), but I may try to talk him into it.

First song

2009-04-02T16:07:00.002-04:00

I like this tradition for weddings. It is one we are keeping (we are nixing many others). We had a song that I like to consider "our song" very early on. It was a bit of a pop song, but not well known at the time. Well, now, it is so well known it was nominated for a Grammy and we heard it used in a commercial a couple nights ago. The MOD put the final veto on it when we saw that commercial. But now, what is a good first song? I am working on a list for him to peruse and see what he likes. Our tastes do not always match when it comes to music.

Any suggestions?

April Fools

2009-04-01T16:03:00.001-04:00

I'm no good at it. I tried to convince my mom we were canceling the wedding and tried to convince the MOD I am done with running. I think I scared the MOD for a split second, but neither of them fell for my stories. I am a terrible lier. I consider that a strength.

2009-03-31T19:00:00.006-04:00

I showed some of these to my florist for our wedding:

This was the early vision:

That has now evolved to this:

And this was what he came up with on the proposal for my bouquet:

"Elegant hand tied bouquet of antique hydrangea, agapanthus bloom, green cymbidium orchid, Kermit mums embellished with grape vine wrapped stems."

Oooh, I'm more excited about flowers more than I thought I would be!

Masters Degrees. What are they good for?

2009-03-30T16:24:00.003-04:00

I finished camp with the kiddos slightly earlier than planned today so had ample time to get out this afternoon and apply for some part time jobs. You would think a person with a masters degree, a clinical license and a stable job would not need a second job. But I am a social worker. And my mortgage went up about $300 a month, recently. And I am still paying off credit debt and loans from my schooling and England days. Definitely could use a second job.

I only made one personal, possibly viable connection with a restaurant manager. The rest seemed utterly pointless. I don't think I'm going to have much luck. My increasing apathy about it isn't helping. I didn't even get a call back at the doggie day care place. Masters Degree- maybe it's my downfall in the retail/restaurant/dog spa world. I am by no means tooting my horn or trying to be pretentious, but I am getting the "overqualified" vibe.

Maybe the MOD is right. Maybe I should apply to places and minimize the educational/professional background. Me and dishonesty just don't fit together, even if it's reasonably harmless and for the good of our household income.

Sunday Bliss

2009-03-29T19:19:00.003-04:00

Now that my test taking days are over for some time, I love having Sundays back to do as I wish. Mainly: waking up leisurely at 8ish instead of 5 or 6; laying in bed drinking coffee and watching Sunday Morning with the MOD and the children, I mean, pets; going to yoga and stretching out my sore legs and back from the afternoon of Saturday gardening and Friday's most successful run yet; getting the house cleaned up and actually folding the laundry instead of leaving it in baskets; getting and feeling prepared for Spring Break camp with the kiddos this week; and fawning over our new plants, hoping the frost tonight does not kill them.

That's a good Sunday. Oh yeah, and I did my taxes. Just glad to get that over with (with the help of a secret smart friend).

Wheat Grass

2009-03-27T14:32:00.002-04:00

I believe both my mother and the MOD rolled their eyes when I suggested incorporating wheat grass into our wedding flair. I don't care what they think. There's a simple beauty to wheat grass. I might start growing some at home, I just need to keep it away from the cat. (photo via Cup and Table)

The notion of promoting peace

2009-03-26T14:08:00.002-04:00

Let's hear it for social workers in Congress! If you support peaceful interventions and mediation to resolve conflict, be sure to let your congress representative know.

Child Protective Services?

2009-03-25T19:01:00.003-04:00

I am reluctant to detail my frustration today for confidentiality purposes. But let me just ask, what happened to the incentive planning to have more DCS workers (Department of Children's Services, child protection workers) get their MSW? To at least have a Bachelors in social sciences perhaps. To actually care about the welfare of children and ensure that what is ethically sound and legally required is done to protect children at significant risk.

Just another day, another dollar? I don't think so. We may not be doctors holding beating hearts in our hands, but any of us that work in the social services realm have a duty to protect the people we serve and to assist and empower them to the best of our ability. That is why I need therapy myself (sort of) right now. Because I care. If you don't care and you don't need therapy to cope with the horrific things people go through, if you do not ensure their safety when they are at real risk of being dangerously injured or killed, LEAVE THE JOB.

This makes me miss my home across the pond

2009-03-24T20:36:00.001-04:00

There's not so much of an excuse to buy a cute pair of Wellies here.

Why can't I be cool?

2009-03-24T20:28:00.002-04:00

I have an unusual (or is it) fascination and enamored feeling for any beautiful girl with a sense of class but also a sense of individuality (often involving some sort of tattoo and/or piercings). What does that say about me? Maybe I am a little self conscious about being down to earth and "normal" or "average," despite how much I appreciate those qualities within myself.

Visiting relatives

2009-03-23T20:02:00.000-04:00

LOVE THEM ALL THE TIME.

Love it when they come to visit.

Love the fun while visiting.

Love when they leave.

Love our space. Love getting our bed back and getting off the air mattress on the floor.

Loan forgiveness? . . . Yeah, right

2009-03-23T10:02:00.003-04:00

This stimulus package had me and the MOD so excited. Maybe there is some help for us? A veteran who still has to take out loans to pay school tuition, despite the GI bill and a social worker with a masters degree and a license looking for a second job to pay the mortgage. Of course there is help for us! Wait. . . no. While perusing the NASW website- thinking I actually need to become a member now that I am licensed- I found that there is loan forgiveness for social workers in linkage to the College Cost Reduction Act of 2007.

So, I call the number provided. The feds. The first man I spoke to was immediately rude (and I know how to kill them with kindness on the phone- I was raised by a telemarketer). He wouldn't assist me to at least point me in the right direction. He was not interested in any way to hear that the National Association of Social Workers gave me that number to make an inquiry. He actually hung up on me. I called back. I expressed my distaste for how I was treated; and my confusion. The second person (a female, but perhaps that wasn't the differing factor), was very helpful but ultimately pointed me toward my loan holder.

I contacted Sallie Mae and spoke to a lovely woman, but who was hard to understand. I believe she may have been somewhere distant due to the connection and time delay. Can you say outsourcing? Apparently, being a hard working, low paid social worker doesn't qualify me for any sort of loan forgiveness at this time. I either need to become a teacher and do that for five years or become severely disabled. I am not interested in either. NASW got my hopes up.

I also looked into home loan programs. I don't really qualify for that either and there are no interesting details to that story. I hate being the middle man. Middle class gets the shaft.

A few brief thoughts

2009-03-17T19:57:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted much, but as per my usual have been "writing" in my head. Since passing my exam, I have been trying to get caught up with the other things that were neglected for the start of the year- the house upkeep and improvements, getting ready for both sets of parents and my grandmother arriving, trying to visit a few friends I missed while attempting to hide in my AATBS books. I am also looking at trying to acquire a part time job, but I am not too optimistic there will be many options.

I do intend to utilize and post on the blog again regularly, but just give me another week or so, k? I am a little overwhelmed by all my feeds in google reader, so many questionable and/or thought provoking things happening in politics and culture, I just don't even know where to begin at this point. I started "starring" things on my reader that I thought needed more attention or personal interest tid bits, but now that is even becoming overwhelming.

So for now, let me say. . . Congratulations to another lovely family this month bringing another lovely child in the world. This time one of my favorite people locally who is often thought of as the sister I never had (among my extended family as well). I can't wait to meet your fella!

Stay tuned for future thoughts on my confusions about feminism, anger about recent policies and politics, vents about my crazy job and wedding and relationship follies. . . .

Feeling a little unsure these days

2009-03-10T17:10:00.005-04:00

I think my need for change so quickly is starting to come to a halt. I am starting to feel like it is all just happening to fast. We just started this relationship less than two months ago. I am talking about my relationship with our new president, of course.

I have been in reasonably strong support of a lot of the significant changes and proposals thus far, but I am not so sure how I feel about his proposals for educational change today. Increasing charter schools by reducing the limits on these school and their quantity? Paying teachers for their "excellence?" What about No Child Left Behind? When do we address the mess that has made of our educational system? And who decides a teacher's excellence? Irrational test scores? A biased principal?

I have not had time to do extensive research on where he is going with these things and why he thinks they are good ideas, I will do that after I eat a bunch of (hopefully) awesome food tonight. So, please, do comment on here to me about any aspect of history or facts to make these proposals okay. I am merely at this point sharing an opinion, an initial reaction, not stating fact.

I work in schools. Everyday. Right now I work in a school that is about to be closed because many kids have moved to the charter schools in the surrounding communities. This is not the only reason, and I am aware of that. In general, the community that I serve is changing. It has becoming increasingly poor, unsupported by external resources and violent. Families are also moving to townships and out of the "inner city" because the economic spread of the city is sprawling. But, my problem with charter schools is not that families are leaving for those schools, it is that from what I have learned and observed, if a child does one small thing wrong they are out. Without any real support or intervention. Some may want this for particular types of children and families, but as a social worker and as a human being who believes all children deserve education and whatever support they need to get it, I have a real problem with this. Aren't these kids being kicked out the kids that really need us?

I am however, obviously, in strong support of Obama's advocacy for early education programming. It is clear from research and from first hand experience that early intervention and prevention is key in most if not all aspects of life to reduce risks and increase success and resilience. This I can stand behind, but I am very concerned that the teachers and educational administrators who work with our children day in and day out are not being heard. I am very concerned that if we continue to focus on blaming educational systems completely and not also looking at and building better communities around these schools, we will continue to fail children regardless of how many charter schools you open.

No cooking for me tonight

2009-03-10T17:08:00.001-04:00

We get to sample food tonight at our wedding venue to decide what we'd like to serve (and hopefully actually eat) at our wedding reception. I don't really care too much what we serve- as longs as there is something for the veg heads and some other thing for the omnivores. But, I plan to take full advantage of this free food opportunity this evening!

Semantics

2009-03-07T09:38:00.002-05:00

I had a conversation with the MOD during our lunch celebration yesterday about religion, and how it is a societal control that is unlikely to change much or go away any time soon. I expressed my anger about the word marriage. He confirmed, being from a background that he is more knowledgeable on these topics, that marriage is considered a sacrament of the catholic church. He agreed with my point of questioning, if it is all about the semantics and the history behind that word, does that mean we can't get "married?"

So, I am thinking of proposing to my friend who is doing our wedding invitations that we change the wording to something like this:

The QOE's parents
Invite you to participate in the celebration
of the legal recognition of the commitment
between their daughter
The QOE
and
The MOD

Does this sound too dry and too much like a business merger? I want it to reflect the joy of the day, but if the word marriage keeps others from being legally united, I want no part of that word. Besides, we are already committed to each other- I've already got a ring on my finger and I'm getting a temporary one for the MOD today. This is just the celebration of that already standing commitment and making it legal so the MOD can get health benefits. Well, and other lovely reasons, too.

Now on to the next task(s)

2009-03-06T19:08:00.003-05:00

I took my ASWB clinical licensure exam this morning. I passed. Whew (huge sigh of relief and big grin).

As soon as I saw the screen pop up- You Passed - and experienced my initial elation and sharing of the good news with the MOD, parents and my bro, it started to feel . . . I don't know. . . . surreal? Anticlimactic? None of these are the right words. I can't describe it. A loss? A grieving process at the now absence of anxiety and pressure to spend all my free time studying?

Don't get me wrong, I am stoked. I do have a list hanging up at my desk with all/some of the things I want to start doing once I had passed the exam (and I passed it on the first try, biznatches [sorry- had to be done]). First off, I am already signed up with Keep Indianapolis Beautiful to help out with some planting of trees, community beautification and such and have a meeting with the group next week. I also have my eye on a second job at a doggie day care. Wouldn't that be a fun way to help save money for the wedding and pay off credit card bills?

Another bundle of joy enters the world

2009-03-05T17:51:00.002-05:00

Just a little congratulations to my very dear friend who had her second child today. Her and her hubby now have the lovely balance of a little gal and new baby boy. She is one of the most lovely, fun people I know. A recent quote in one of our last phone conversations (to her daughter), "Hands are hugging, not for hitting." How can you not love a gal like that? Congrats to the whole family!

Now we'll definitely need a crafty/kid table at the wedding. We need some fun stuff for all these kiddos (and all the crafty adults).

Aw, I miss facebook and all it's useless antics

2009-03-05T09:16:00.000-05:00

I need to use my coping skills and punch a pillow (like I would tell my kids to)

2009-03-05T08:17:00.005-05:00

You are F***ing idiot, that's what you are. Sorry, I just can't believe people like this actually become social workers. They are speaking against our values, our Code of Ethics. The MOD is Atheist and I am pretty damn close. Does that mean we cannot marry because the "word" marriage is "originally defined in religious belief systems?" Is that even true? Grrrrr! You are a f***ing homophobe, bitch. Sorry. . . It just makes me so angry I want to scream. Do these idiots not see they are just as bad as those who protested racial civil rights mid twentieth century? And don't even get me started on the idiotic comparison to beastiality.

Taken from Help Starts Here Social Worker Blog:

"I’m a Christian, a Republican and a Social Worker. I also have a number of friends who happen to be in lesbian or gay relationships. I love them all. We’ve had discussions about same-sex marriage and the rights deserved by all people. If civil unions can lead to next-of-kin status for life partners–great! However, “marriage” is a term originally defined in religious belief systems and, while this language is included in modern day law, should not apply to any other than 1 man-1 woman relationships.

Additionally, changing the definition of “marriage” to go beyond 1 man-1 woman, will open doors to legalize polygamy and beastiality–both proven to emotionally, spiritually and sexually harm vulnerable persons (and animals).

In short, opposition to same-sex marriage does not make me a homophobe, but an advocate for a variety of lifestyles and vulnerable persons."

Before I hit the books

2009-03-05T07:53:00.004-05:00

I had promised myself to avoid blog and other procrastinatory activities until after the test tomorrow, but I would just like to quickly make note and ask that we all remain aware today as the California Supreme Court hears arguments regarding Prop 8 .

I am not going to go into a huge diatribe. I just want to point out that marriage, civil unions, whatever you want to call them (it's all semantics), is about civil rights. Not privilege. This is not about any one's religion. This is about rights. This is about human beings being able to live their lives, loving each other happily and legally binding that love, as any human being has the right to do. See previous post on happiness.

The secret to happiness is . . .

2009-03-04T21:12:00.002-05:00

Like we didn't already know what makes people happy. I am a little surprised this article reveals what the happiest people do to keep themselves that way like it is a new revelation. I suppose it's the ongoing movement in strengths-based practice to now research the good stuff instead of all the depressing and crazy stuff.

Work hard, play hard. Surround yourself with the people that love and respect you. Love yourself and don't give a hoot how others judge you (that one's always easier said than done, eh?). Laugh a lot. Be silly sometimes.

It is okay for us to be a little goofy at times and not intellectualize everything in the world around us. That shit's just stressful.

Wish me luck!

2009-03-04T17:29:00.003-05:00

I am taking my LCSW exam Friday. I've studied a lot and studied hard, but at times I am not sure it was hard enough. My kiddos at school have been in one crisis mode after another, making it difficult to motivate myself once I get home to study about the meaning behind their temper tantrums. I've got a great partner though who, come to find out, is also an awesome cheerleader. As well as very supportive friends and colleagues. Hopefully by Friday afternoon the MOD and I will be celebrating and I won't feel so guilty about my blogging time (reading and writing). I am ready to have the LCSW piece of paper to validate what I already know and do . . .

Highlight of the weekend

2009-03-01T23:07:00.001-05:00

Being convinced by the MOD to go to Fresh Market for cake in my polar bear fleece pajama pants and knitted slipper socks after studying DSM diagnoses all weekend. Of course, he had to tease me that I was initially somewhat hiding behind him in embarrassment of the polar bears.

A little note about acronyms

2009-03-01T14:03:00.001-05:00

I have been making some attempts to make this slightly more anonymous. I am not too worried about it, because it is mostly viewed by people that already know me. Plus, as the MOD pointed out this morning, currently it is pretty easily located via a couple clicks of a Google search. But in order to move toward anonymity, I will be using acronyms to refer to myself and the male of the house (because he is the only male in the house).

So, just for a little clarification, my partner, my fella, the dude I'm marrying, or other terms I may use will be frequently referred to as the MOD. This acronym stands for Master of the Domain, but don't let it fool you into thinking I allow him to dominate the household or we have fallen into heavy gendered roles (although we kind of do, just naturally, and I am ok with that). We are very egalitarian household, which is why I am known as the QOE- Queen of Everything. To know us, is to know the satire behind these nicknames.

You may also see references to NIA, which would be Nia our dog. This is her actually name and we are working on refining a proper acronym to meet these letters. Any suggestions? Right now we have Nearly Intelligent Animal, but I think she deserves something a little more strengths based. Also, Nermal, our cat is sometimes referred to as the POW, Pile of Worthlessness. Not because we are not fond of her, but because she continues to do her own thing since we brought her home three weeks ago and we selfishly would like more attention and cuddliness from her.

There you have it. . . in case you were wondering.

Dogs and Cats, living together in sin

2009-02-26T22:52:00.000-05:00

We brought a new addition into our home on February 14 (not meant to be cliche, it just worked out that way). We adopted a little gray kitten, still recovering from being spayed so appearing slightly mellow and subdued. The MOD was allowed to name her since he wasn't around to participate in Nia's naming. He named her Nermal, after the cute gray kitten that irked Garfield. While I am adjusting to the name, the cat does not seem to be adjusting to us. We gave her the time to have her "sanctuary" in our guest room and all the sites we looked at said give it at least a week. We tried our best to give her her space, with the MOD occasionally getting frustrated and seeking her out from under the bed. Kittens are meant for cuddling, right? Not staying by themselves under the bed!

In the past twelve days she has appeared gradually more comfortable with the house and is exploring more, but still only under the conditions that there is no sudden movements or attempts by us to engage her. In contrast, she has started seeking out Nia. Nia licks her head like an affectionate and concerned mother, and Nermal chews on Nia's floppy ears and bats at her tail. All very endearing, but annoying none the less. The MOD and I have become childish in our wishes and jealously of Nia. When is she going to play with and cuddle with us? We wait as long as we can, but usually toward the end of the seek her out and attempt forcible petting and love (probably not the best way to win her heart). It appears that Nermal has even taking to napping alongside Nia at night and perhaps during the day while we are out. Perhaps there is something to be said for the secret language among these domesticated mammals. So long as they are not plotting against us while we are away at work/school each day. And so long as Nermal eventually releases she's missing out on some quality TLC from the MOD and the QOE.

RAD, not so rad

2009-02-25T20:52:00.000-05:00

I am currently in a three day training on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). This training is not only teaching me more in depth about the concepts behind RAD and best practice methods to treat the diagnosis, but also qualifying me to provide the training to others. Bonus for the resume building! I have been familiar with attachment theories and needs since the beginning of my education and career, but this is a topic that becomes more and more prevalent to my daily work life. My one fear now is that I become trigger happy with the diagnosis, like some are with ADHD or diagnosing Bipolar in children, but hopefully just being aware of that concern will prevent misdiagnosis.

Attachment, in my mind, is becoming the cornerstone of what is a healthy child, healthy individual. It is frightening to think how crucial the first years of life truly are in forming how that individual is going to respond to the world around him for the rest of his life. What a fragile state children truly are in. It becomes a little disheartening to think about the importance of these factors, when there are so many factors that become a barrier to children being able to form healthy attachment at an early age. It is something I have to be very aware of recently, the potential loss of hope at seeing children every day who live in a community that is unsafe, dangerous. Who have families whose parents have their own attachment and emotional needs, struggle to meet the basic needs of the family and therefore those needs often take priority over emotional ones. To look at this way, it could be disheartening to think of just how many children have attachment and emotional deficits.

But, I have also obtained some hope from what I am learning in this training. To know that to acknowledge these needs and address them, there is hope to repair a child's attachment to important individuals in his life. There is hope that to promote a better understanding of these needs means addressing them in a way that promotes best practice and improved interventions. That's what draws you back in as a social worker. Learning there is new hope.

Are you selling me a car or a spatula?

2009-02-24T22:25:00.001-05:00

I went to yet another cooking show this evening. When did the tupperware parties of the 50s and 60s get replaced by cooking show and candle parties? Was it a sudden shift or was it a gradual change to this paradigm of hostess at home shopping in the new millennium? Can I still call the millennium new? The home hostess is one of my closest friends, so I go because A) She's hilarious and I love being around her, B) We have mutual friends who will be there and I also love being around and C) She supported me when I actually considered being part of one of these ventures to increase my financial stability.

Yet, every time I go to any of these parties- be it candles or a cook books- I feel like someone is trying to sell me a car. You know, that feeling when you are looking for a car and that salesman is trying to convince you that the car you are looking is the best car IN THE WORLD. Meanwhile, I am sitting there thinking, "I could get that bowl for 5 bucks cheaper at Target, and it would work just as well." I do concede that I was pulled in to being one of these salesman, selling candles. But frankly, those candles rock and I was seeking some way to make my mortgage payments with more ease while still (at the time) single and fending for myself. The reason I didn't follow through is because I am not a car salesman, or seller of any other goods. I have little capacity to be able to convince someone, "This plastic spatula is the best you ever had, it is the best anywhere." Frankly, I think in the commercial world, there are too many options for me to be convinced that I should spend 10 dollars on a small piece of plastic. I have steak knives I bought at the dollar store right out of college, 9 years ago. They still hold up ok. I did succumb to buying a cook book, but if I do the whole bridal shower thing, it will involve more alcohol and less sales pressure from the stranger cooking in the kitchen.

Status updates

2009-02-22T20:17:00.000-05:00

In the past few days of initially being without Facebook, my mind is still working in the realm of "status messages." That was one of the sad truths of FB that helped my decision to break away from the networking frenzy. My days began to revolve around statuses. Ooh, this will be my new status message when I get home from work today! How sad. But, as closure, I thought I would share a few status messages that came to mind this weekend. Gradually, I hope to resolve my need for status messages and superficial engagement of others. But, until then:

The QOE . . .
misses Fish Wrangler.
is excited Nermal is now sleeping on the bed, not just under it.
is foolish to think KFC would be a good dinner plan.
has a fried chicken hangover.
actually likes spinning.
is getting anxious about the (LCSW) exam, yet not studying enough.
is reciting the Social Work Code of Ethics.
is excited to see my Gay Boyfriend, with his partner and other lovely friends.
forgot how much hangovers suck.
is stoked to have my very own (free) personal makeup artist available on my wedding day.
is getting distracted by all the things I want to do after the exam (making lists, surprise, surprise), rather than actually focusing on the exam.
is thankful to the MOD for pushing me to get out of the house for a wog.

Brown is so hot and yellow so. . . not sure?

2009-02-20T14:02:00.005-05:00

The two typical first questions I get when people here I am getting married (in about 6 months- YOWSER!) are "What are your colors?" and "How big is your bridal party?" Well, we're not having a bridal party. When the idea of marriage started swimming in my head, I had planned to have my two closest gal pals up there with me, but we decided against the whole "party" thing to keep it simple. I hear too many stories about people getting upset about who is involved and how, what's the use of all that suffering? Isn't a wedding about the bride and groom, not about the people standing up there next to them? Sure it's a position (being a bridal party member) held by those we love most and who have supported us, but won't those people do those things for us whether or not they have to buy an outfit they will never wear again? I think mine will. At least I hope so.

I have also gathered that your "colors" are specified because it clarifies what everyone needs to wear. I almost feel like colors should be capitalized when talking about it in this context. Like, to some, they are the focus of how your wedding should look and whether or not the decor will be aesthetically pleasing. I've always been a blue girl. As I've grown older, I have become more and more fond of shades of green and purple. But, when I look at wedding blogs and sites, I love just about everything. All colors to me have a sense of vibrance and beauty, in their own special way. Perhaps that's just the "let's love everyone and everything social worker in me." I even like the red stuff, which is not one of my preferred palates. Lately I am thinking. . . late summer, some yellow perhaps? Although I still love the idea of throwing some pots of lavender on the tables and letting the guests take them home to their kitchens. My mother says lavender smells nice but isn't pretty enough. Hmph . . . .

We also have the issue of trying to coordinate with attire. Or do we? I really want to wear blue shoes to have the ol' "something blue" and just for some funky fun with my somewhat traditional dress. Does that mean I have to have blue elsewhere? I think the MOD (the dude I am marrying- to be referred to as the MOD) could look very handsome in a sharp brown suit, but neither mother agrees. He's open to the idea of exploring color options. Perhaps what I am telling myself is that even though my parents are aiding and abetting the cost of this wedding, what the colors, our garb and decorations and such boil down to is it is our wedding, our taste, wherever the taste chips may fall. Right?

Trying to be more elusive. . . .It ain't easy.

2009-02-18T18:32:00.003-05:00

I have this evening, deleted my Myspace and Facebook accounts. No more mass internet networking sites for me. I am intent on becoming more proactive with this blog, but I am hoping to do so with some sense of anonymity. I know that the recent scare with Facebook's terms are somewhat trivial. I mean, really, what do they want with my photos of hugging my drunk friends at someone's birthday party or wedding? It's not like I really believe I will see that image plastered on a poster while waiting to catch the El in Chicago.

But, it's more the futility of it . . . and to be quite honest, the drama. I don't need to catch up or virtually "friend" that person in high school I barely spoke to then and will never see in person now. The people I enjoyed networking with are the people that are already a constant in my life. People that are important to me I can just as easily communicate with in a normal email or a phone call, as opposed to soliciting attention via my status messages. As for the drama there are those that I would rather not contact me, and quite frankly, my future husband. We're pretty set on the people we want in our lives. The new friends and folks that continue to enter my life are through personal interactions, not through web searches. I welcome those interactions with open arms.

So, now instead of procrastinating with networking sites by updating my status messages and playing silly games, I will procrastinate with internet time spent reading all the blogs I have recently subscribed to and catching up on the what's happening in the world via my news feeds. Hopefully I will also begin using this blog more as a tool for writing and sharing thoughts- somewhat anonymously.

Blue, Blue, Blue Suede Shoes

2009-02-16T20:06:00.003-05:00

It's way too early for these details. I have a little under seven months to go until our wedding. But, in one of many attempts to procrastinate this weekend on studying for the exam (I did so good for like- a whole two weeks or so), I began searching for my wedding shoes. I had hoped to find a tea length dress. Check out Weddingbee for some cute ones. But, the dress I have chosen is full length. I am not sure people will even be able to see my feet. But I want my shoes to be funky and blue. I would prefer satin or something cute and girlie, but most of all they have to be flat. My fella and I are the same height and I think we would both prefer to stay that way for the photos. Do you know how hard it is to find a funky, cute, girlie, flat, comfortable blue pair of shoes? Ones that don't cost an arm, a leg and a maybe a few extra fingers? If anybody reads this and knows some good finds of this nature, send them my way please. Also, a matching blue purse would be awesome.

My latest hobby

2009-02-15T19:17:00.004-05:00

Wedding planning. Unfortunately for me, all the big stuff is pretty much done, which means I don't have as good an excuse now when Luke asks me why I am looking at wedding stuff again (or wedding porn, as I affectionately call it). I still am looking for ideas though . . . we've got the photographer, we've got the DJ, the cake, I found my dress and picked our florist. But, there is still the details of decoration, writing the ceremony (the most important part!), Luke's suit, ties for all the fellas- Luke, dads and bro, and all the little things to be done when we get closer. Having a year to plan is more than enough time. With as organized as I am (with the things I actually care about), I could have pulled it all off just as well with only a few months to plan. So, for those of you just getting started, I thought I would share some blogs I subscribe to for ideas and thoughts.

First and foremost, Offbeat Bride. This was one of the first I subscribed to. I love the unique and diverse weddings. We are somewhat traditional in our day-to-day lives, but both big believers in expressing our individuality at times that it is significant for us. Our wedding obviously, will be one of those times. There is also Offbeat Tribe, which has loads of brides (and some grooms) to be sharing ideas.

Then, there is $2,000 Budget Wedding. We are very lucky we have my parents offering to support and help us with the wedding, which will allow us to have it in a venue we love but could not have afforded on our own. This couple did it all on their own, for under $2,000 and I think it looks like one of the most lovely weddings I have seen in a long time. Lots of advice, ideas, etc that are worthwhile.

While the others deserve numerous accolades, I am going to just list a few other of my favorites for now. I am sure I will be mentioning them more in future. Google Reader is my new found procrastination hobby.
Weddingbee- multiple people contribute to this site, lots of good ideas and advice from various perspectives
Earth Friendly Weddings- You get the idea. . .
10,000 Dollar wedding- This blogger makes me giggle, AND gives me good ideas
A Practical Wedding- Practical advice and pretty ideas.

There are a few others that are part of my nasty wedding blog habit, but these are my faves.

The latest in tangential venting

2009-02-15T18:04:00.004-05:00

I’m no apprentice of Jungian Dream Analysis, but I like to think as a social worker and reasonably insightful human being that I can interpret the basic gist of my dreams. Lately they have been more frequent, vivid, and disturbing. Perhaps that’s why I am feeling so tired lately. Or perhaps it’s the combination of those dreams with what’s been happening in my waking life.

Things have been stressful in my occupational life and the world of finances. The two things that we have to deal with most often and the two things that most often suck. Fortunately, I have a wonderful home life with a great partner a dog and now cat (who in his first 24 hours in his new home, refuses to come out from hiding). I have a wonderful close network of family and friends to help me feel supported and needed. That’s what I have to keep leaning on lately, to survive those other two whoppers- dealing with the kiddos and dealing with the bills. The bills are what they are. We’ll get through that and we do. I just can’t go out three to four times a week like I used to. Which is for the best, because my brain and liver can’t handle that very well any more either. Plus, being a newly non smoker, I am coming to despise the smell of smoke amidst a crowded bar mostly filled with people searching for what I’ve already got waiting for me at home.

Work, however, is becoming quite the drain. Back to the dreams- last night I had a dream about a little girl I have been working with all school year. She is a fairly disturbed little girl, for lack of a more supportive term. She is perhaps, I think definitely, the most complicated and difficult individual I have ever worked with or encountered. She is 7. This little girl will send chills to your core with her screams when she has been pushed to that point (which takes very litte). Last night I dreamt I was trying to get her to a safe place, but she kept eluding me. I was struggling to find her in a crowded school. Then she was on a street and I couldn’t get her into the car I was in; then the car drove away from her.

I dream about my work multiple times a week. Does it mean I am commited to the job I am doing, or am I on a path to being committed (in an institution)? I work in a public school, but over the past year it has begun to feel more like an intensive residential psychiatric unit. I have a hard time actually seeing kids for therapy, what I am meant to do, because I am constantly putting out fires or babysitting kids that have been kicked out of their class. There are other components to the consistent crises in the environment. We are approaching spring. . . Spring Break, then summer. This is the time when teachers start to stress. To add to their stress, many of them are wondering if they will have a stable job next year. Our school is closing at the end of this year due to ever increasing community changes and budget cuts.

I keep telling myself that I will just make it through the end of the year. That next year will be better. I will be at a new school with air conditioning and no mice crawling on my desk! I already work at that school one day a week and know there are some good teachers there. But, there are the what if changes. What if there is a new principal and I have some of the issues I have had this year or worse? What if the Medicaid changes looming restrict me to just doing therapy and not being able to be in the class with kids, engage and work with teachers, etc. I am not an outpatient therapist. Never have been, never will be. I have learned some skills and lessons in the last two years of my current job and for many reasons I am not ready to leave it any time soon. But perhaps I should consider it for my sanity. Perhaps I should get back to studying the LCSW exam so I can pass and move on to a higher level and/or better job (with better pay) . . . .

Flasback to my death defying leap

2008-12-03T18:32:00.013-05:00

In editing some of my old posts and revising this blog a little in order to redirect it's content, I realized I never posted images from my first skydive. I pretty much abandoned this blog from January through October- there wasn't much lost in the spring and I was too loved up to think about much else in the summer. But, I wanted to revisit the dive and share a couple images. My uncle Ken took me with him for his first skydive, on his fiftieth birthday. It was my early 30th birthday present. We did it at Skydive Deland, in Florida.

I have always wanted to skydive. It's one of many adventures I think everyone should do at least once before they die, but perhaps I should speak for myself. It was one of, if not the most exhilarating experiences I have had in my life so far. I would definitely like to do it again. Perhaps I can talk Luke into it on one of our trips down to Florida. If you are contemplating, but feel unsure, I say do it! You will not regret it. Be sure, I did confirm with my tandem instructor that he had years of experience. I think he had been doing about 8 years and had done over 13,000 dives- or maybe it was the other way around. . . .

My Uncle Ken making his leap

Yep, that's me!

Chute's out . . .

. . . And a smooth landing.

Reflections on how I spend my time (reflections with too much time off sick)

2008-12-03T17:53:00.006-05:00

Fortunately, Luke has been off or not working at the times I have been home sick most of this week, so he's been around to keep me company and allow for a moderate level of my whining and attention seeking. I've got some bad sinus infection/cold thing that has also been accompanied by lovely intermittent bouts of nausea. But, while he's at work, I once again allowed myself to be magnetized to the computer, searching various wedding ideas and engaging in useless activities such as facebook fishing games. I did come across a great website in my wed idea search however. I love the woman who writes, I believe, most of the entries and have enjoyed reading her thoughts and suggestions not only on the wedding hoopla, but also on other policital, social and environmental matters.

I especially like the worst wedding advice she shares as she comes across, and her list of what is actually important. I concur with all of them. While I am very excited about our big wedding and the lovely location it will be at, I've reminded myself in all this sick reflection that we still have 8-9 months until that day. Although, we've joked today that if we went ahead and got married down at the county clerk's office, we could get Luke health benefits. I am most excited now about how we will write our ceremony so that it is personal to us. I know it will be beautiful and elaborate, in many traditional ways, but it will also be ours and very untraditional in that we plan to ensure we express ourselves and who we are, as opposed to what is expected. Now that all the major venue and vendor needs are settled, I can pull myself back (really, I can!) and enjoy the daily happiness I have in our home together. Or, until my mom arrives in January for dress shopping. . .

In the meantime, I intend to refocus my free time. I may be looking for a part time job to supplement our tight income, but for now I need to regain focus on studying and passing the LCSW exam once and for all, as well as contributing something more than what I do outside my job. I know it's post the big vote, but I don't think it is ever too little too late to become involved in politics, so I have signed up with some of the local politicians I support to start engaging more in the process. I also am seeking out environmental organizations that I can offer volunteer support to. I need to do something a little different from what I do at the schools each day, but also feel like I could and should be doing more than what I do with my kids Monday through Friday. Now, if I could just afford to take the LCSW exam . . . that is really the next step. I guess that's where the second job comes in.

Perhaps stuffing and casseroles should be made more than twice a year

2008-11-28T09:02:00.003-05:00

Happy post Thanksgiving everyone. Luke's parents were here with us for the holidays. It was my first time cooking the meal for family (my only other Thanksgiving hosting experience being when Bri and I were in England for all our Brit friends). I think everyone is in agreement it was a successful holiday. We had a good time with each other's company and all my food was good. Too good, I think. I'm not sure if it is the excess of eating, the wine or coffee, but I am still in recovery from all the tasty treats had yesterday. In my family, dishes like stuffing, broccoli casserole and other dishes drenched in butter, are only served at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Perhaps we need to change that. Maybe if we had more moderate indulgence of these delightful dishes more than twice a year, we wouldn't be so eager to gorge ourselve at the holidays. But, I suppose that is the fun of it- making the feast a rare treat. Plus, with our attempted running regimine, I don't think I could handle eating like that and getting up in the morning to run. I know I won't be running today.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday as we did. I missed my family in Florida but had a lot of fun with Luke and my future in-laws here. I'd probably be in even more pain today if I had celebrated with my family!

Ah, the joy of working with professionals that know how to communicate

2008-11-07T10:12:00.006-05:00

I have been really struggling with my job to the point that apathy was starting to get in the way of my quality of service. In social work, there are always ebbs and flows of challenging times that make it difficult to want to come to work and do the job well, but recent months have been especially difficult. In this academic school year, the school I primarily work at has obtained a new principal and new support staff. I was optimistic that we would after a short period be able to redevelop a working team, but this has not occurred. Perhaps I have been spoiled in the past or perhaps I am still a little naive regardless of my experiences. But, I feel as though I went from a healthy working team to a team that is non existent.

Recently I have been made aware one professional I work with daily experiences misunderstandings and inappropriate judgements which are directed at me. This is no surprise, given the way she communicates with me. And although I feel I am always tactful, I refuse to accept someone's statements if I know they are not fact. I am confident in my skills in direct practice and in my history of positive working relationships with other professionals, that I know I have not been inappropriate. In order to continue maintaining an appropriate level of communication, I choose avoidance. This isn't really all that healthy and does nothing for the daily anxiety I now experience going to work and dealing with confrontational situations on a regular basis.

But yesterday, I was reminded that the work I have put forth in my local community is recognized, and there is everlasting value to my work ethic and how I put it into practice each day. I engaged in a meeting with other professionals who came together as a proactive team, for the benefit of the child in question who hasn't had his needs met in the past. I was also encouraged for my efforts with this child. It's not that I need constant praise, but it is necessary for everyone to have occasional recognition of their efforts in order to have an increased validation in what they do. That's just human nature that everyone needs positive encouragement. It also propelled me to reflect on the issues I have had in working relationships recently. I reminded myself of my own capacities, my strong rapport with most of the teachers in the school and the relationships I have with my kiddos.

I know the rest of this year is going to continue to be difficult. It seems unavoidable given certain constraints and the impending closure of the school after this year. But, I also have reminded myself by leaving the work day yesterday feeling proactive and influential in assisting my kids, that I have an important and special job to do. I am getting better at it all the time, and rather than bail because I am getting my first-likely not last- taste of a toxic professional, I need to stick this out. I need to be with my kids when their school closes in May and assist them to transition on. If I can make it through this year, I will be able to move on to another school location, where I already spend one day a week. There I will have the support of an awesome team, air conditioned classrooms, and more wonderful teachers to work with. I think as much as I bitch sometimes, I belong in the schools. I love these kids and believe with the right support, the power of a positive education will do so much for them. I just need to keep reminding myself of that on the tough days. . . .

LCSW Approval!

2008-11-03T19:50:00.003-05:00

I got approved late last week to take my LCSW exam. They gave me flack about my time in England, as I knew they would. Once I clarified that my supervisor there was every bit, if not more so, qualified than many LCSWs here and they took it before their board, I got approved. Now comes the hard part. Once I have the funds, I will be signing up to take the test. The goal was Thanksgiving but now I think it will be Christmas. It all depends on when the test is available to take, which I will not know until I pay the fee. If I could get it done before the end of the year, though, it would be a nice bump in my salary to take us into 2009. Let the studying begin . . .

Get over it!

2008-10-18T12:44:00.004-04:00

Lately I have been suffering from an excessive bout of irrational jealously. Being a self-proclaimed social scientist and therapist, I should know how to deal with irrational thoughts. I do know how to deal with irrational thoughts. I am utilizing cognitive-behavioral interventions with clients all the time. But, I'm still an average human- not the super human counselor with a magic wand (that some parents expect me to be). Whether by my own doing or the fact that I used to attract jerks- likely a combination of the two- I think my relationship history poisoned my ability to have complete faith in my current healthy relationship. Don't confuse the word faith- I have nothing but faith and trust in my partner, our relationship and our future. I have never been more sure of anything in my life. Really, it's my own insecurities that get in my way. But, I can't help but freak out sometimes, completely without reason, regarding our pasts and how they may impact us now. It's been made very clear to me that they don't impact us. Sure, everyone's past impacts them and has some influence on who they are in the present. But the past is just that. Any one or any thing that may have effected me or others negatively in the past is done, and will never be a part of what's here and what's to come. What I have now is an amazing present and exciting future. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and know it will only excel, which is what I must remind myself when these irrational thoughts attempt to creep in.

I read up a little on this, knowing there is some scientific evidence to this. It helps to know you are not the only one, right? Perhaps part of the catalyst for this rant. The Oxford English Dictionary relates the meaning of jealously to a belief in the presence of having a "rival." It is interesting that many people struggle with their partner's pasts. I think particularly those past relationships that were significant in emotional involvement or in the dramas that may have ensued, we tend to pinpoint those as rivals we need to compete with in order to vie for our lover's continued attention. This is, of course, ridiculous. If you know your partner and have an honest loving relationship, you should feel confident that any past persons will play no role in your current relationship or your future together. There is actually a psychological reference to extreme jealously of this sort, often dubbed "Othello Syndrome" for obvious reasons. Really though, those who reach such a significant level of jealously that it damages their relationships and interferes with their daily lives are likely suffering from other significant psychological difficulties, particularly tendencies toward anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. Luckily, I don't suffer from these issues at a level that I would allow any natural human sense of jealously to create a schism in my relationship. I would hope that anyone that did, would seek social or therapeutic support, as it is a form of anxiety that could be very toxic.

Links and stuff

2008-10-14T06:53:00.002-04:00

So apparently I lost all my lovely links when I changed my blog template. For the best I suppose, I wanted to update them anyways. I will be adding some new ones when I have a chance, as well as other updates and posts.

An update via some rambling

2008-10-13T22:13:00.005-04:00

Hello to my friends across the pond and any others that may read this. I am thinking, if anyone at all looks at this any more, it is a few folks I left behind in jolly old England in order to see what I am up to. Well clearly, coming on almost two years back now, I have not done well at keeping you informed. So, an update. A ramble, more likely. Hopefully the start of reinvigorating this blog. I doubt it will be the photo diary it once was, given I've had a harder time with the photos lately. But, more a chance for me to get some thoughts on a page- somewhere other than my head where I often tend to store them for too long.

So, since my last update a lot has changed in my life. I am still in the job I acquired when I returned home, but feeling more and more disenchanted by the day. I still find resilience and cope with the stress of my job through the slightest tokens of success I rarely receive from the kids and families I work with. I find though that it is getting harder and harder to put up with the lack of accountability that individuals take for their own choices and actions. Maybe I am becoming a better social worker without even realizing it. Perhaps my frustration will allow me to better empower people, rather than enable them to feel sorry for their predicaments, without instigating any change. I am up for my license soon, assuming (fingers crossed) there is no difficulty posed with my England hours on my application. I can't seem to bring myself to study for the test. I think Luke is right, I need to get approved to take it and sign up for the exam. Then I will have a tangible goal to study for. Right now it just seems to be floating out there- something I know I will accomplish soon, within the year, but can't seem to buckle down on it just yet.

Outside the professional realm, I am happier than I have ever been. I have met a wonderful guy (that dude Luke I mentioned above) who I will be marrying next year. It's wild to think a year ago I was trying to plan my life, sans male partner, thinking that I would never really be able to find someone I could put up with day in and day out, and who could put up with me. But, I would venture to say we put up with each other quite well. When I come home upset from the chaos of my job some days, he is able to use humor, affection and compassion to ground me and remind me of everything I have that is great. He's also able to put up with my irrational jealously and silliness that we girls tend to express. Come on girls, I know I am not the only one. But again, he is able to make me laugh and get past my silly stuff- my best friend and the person that knows me best.

Otherwise, the aspects of life are the same. My friends around me are growing and developing their own families and personal niches. My brother and sister in law continue to have the cutest kids around (in addition to my future additional niece, of course). My parents are living happily in Florida among the rest of the extended family. Meanwhile, I continue to enjoy my life here in Indy with-cliche as it sounds- a wonderful future ahead of us and will always be the social worker in a constant strange land.

Commemorating the Movement and struggling to keep it going

2008-01-21T14:40:00.001-05:00

I went to the historic Madame Walker Theatre today to commemorate Martin Luther King Day and the things that he stood for. I think I counted about ten folk of Caucasian appearance, including myself. The event itself was from an Afrocentric perspective, but that does not mean that African American faces should be the only faces seen. I was moved by nearly every speaker and the performers that were in attendance had me in tears (course that's not hard to do with me, especially recently). The power of community and strength that came over me while I was present for this occasion was indescribable. While the focus was, as these days and events often preclude, on the struggles of Black Americans and the fact that (as was quoted today) only 50% of our African American children are completing high school, the rate of kids killing each other and using drugs seems it to be on the rise rather than decline, there was the overall message that I think needs to resonate more passionately with everyone. That change starts with you. And everyone, no matter what your background, is responsible for doing the best you can in your role in life and putting forth all that you can to allow for any possibility of change in our communities and in our world.

I get caught up in my own head a lot of the times. My own views and ventures to see and love everyone as an individual and to encourage peace drive my life as much as I can remind myself to allow them to each day. But so many people do not feel that way. I often get teased for being a "hippie" or for being too much of a pacifist, and have since I was very young. But I really do believe by treating others with a smile, utilizing the Golden Rule, "killing them with kindness" as my mother always said to me, we can all get a lot more accomplished in life and hopefully with that kindness empower others to do the same. I'm feeling very egocentric and perhaps definitely on my soap box, but I am proud that I was raised by parents who fostered mine and my brother's curiosity to travel, greet strange experiences with openness, and respect everyone that crossed our path. It drives a hunger that I think both my brother and I share. Neither one of us ever seem fully satisfied with what we are doing at that present moment. There is always more to be learned, more to experience, more to do. But, as I am often reminded and was today, while it is so important to constantly strive for change and growth and challenge those who resist it, it is also as equally important to be mindful of the present moment. What are you doing RIGHT NOW? How can you do it the best way possible to ensure that you are making a positive mark to the height of your capacity?

Myspace censoring art???

2008-01-21T14:30:00.001-05:00

Does this image look pornographic or lude to you??? Is it because there are abstract circles signifying breasts??? I'm just not sure, could someone tell me? My Aunt Toni did this painting, which I think is lovely. She sent it to me as a birthday card. I have a few other paintings of hers as well as some of the paintings I have hanging in my house and some other favorite artists posted among my photos on Myspace. I received a message today that a photo had been removed because it "violated our Terms of Use. Our site is for people as young as 14, so we can't have certain kinds of pics (nude/sexually explicit, violence, material protected by copyright)."

So is this what we are getting to that we can't share a loved ones art of two abstract people happily dancing? Is it the pressure on Myspace to restrict potential risks to the younger users on the site, or is it Myspace trying to control the content of our pages to their liking? I am incredibly frustrated by this. Will I stop using the site, probably not, but I needed a brief vent at least.

One year on

2007-12-21T14:29:00.001-05:00

I realized as I touched down in Orlando last night and the pilot welcomed the locals (sort of me) home, I was doing the exact same thing almost exactly one year ago (December 19) when I returned home for good from England. That flight was a lot different. I am sure most neighboring passengers thought something was very wrong with me as I was crying on and off from the time I boarded in Brum to the time I touched down in Orlando. . . and then some. It was a really hard decision to come back to the United States. Although I still question it to this day, mostly because I loved my life and my friends there (and the easy access to travel elsewhere. . . .oh yeah and the Real Ales. . . ), I am very happy to be home. I am happy to be able to say this is home for me again, because I didn't feel like I had a home anywhere when I left for England in January 2005.

As the quote headlining my Strange Land Blog somewhat reflects, it sometimes takes stepping away, whether that be physically or metaphorically, to realize where your heart is at and what you want out of life. I have managed to settle in nicely back in Indy, better than I ever thought I would. I have some people to thank for that- some that have been friends for years, others that have been friends in the past but our relationship has seemed to evolved to something much stronger to the point I consider them family, and a couple others that have just come into my life this year but I consider a critical component to my life. These connections are especially important to me as I now have no family per se in the Midwest, but have great people I feel I can rely on for support when it is needed. I was lucky to have connections through some of those friendships that have led to a job I love perhaps more than any job I've had in the past and have settled into a home with it's quirks but character. As well as Nia, who also has her quirks but character ;-) and is a soothing comfort on lonely nights in a big house.

There are still a lot of things to be accomplished, some I won't be able to do on my own, but I feel good about this chapter and heading into the New Year very broke (new house, car, dog and all that) but happy and incredibly fortunate and grateful for the amazing experiences I have had so far in my life, the people that have influenced me, and the people that continue to do so.

Happy Christmas Everyone!

Getting Settled . . .

2007-11-14T00:26:00.001-05:00

I've been home for about 10 months now from England. In that time I've already been to Florida four times, Chicago a few times, Memphis twice and had three of my closest friends from England visit me. I've got a new job, new car (newest I've ever had), bought a house and adopted a dog. Does this mean I'm growing up? I'm still not all that good at balancing a checkbook and still stay up to late on school nights (i.e., right now). My parents moved to Florida last month so now I am residing back in Indy but with no family. Well, that is not completely true. I have an "urban family" here, as I like to call them, that I don't know what I would do without. Besides, I've done the living somewhere with knowing no one for up to about three months so I suppose I can handle the fact that I'll just have to visit Florida even more now.

With all the wonderful travels and experiences I have had throughout my life, I've got to consider myself pretty damn lucky. I'm often reminded of that with the families that I work with. Sitting on a front porch with a mom and son this afternoon as they tell me about the guys racing by in their truck and how they'll be shooting guns in the neighborhood after dark. I've got absolutely nothing to be complaining about! I'm feeling happy here- most days. I think the days I don't are just part of the normal evolution in the pursuit of happiness we all go through. . . seeking out whatever goals we may still want for ourselves but always seeming slightly out of reach.

I do miss my UK home and all you folks there. I was hearing a lot that everyone has been asking about this blog and what I have been up to. So here you go. . . . there's multiple pages worth of photos spanning from mid-January up to this past weekend. It's not as ridden with witty dialogue as in the past but I'll work on that. Now that I have spent an exorbitant amount of time getting up-to-date tonight I hope to keep it updated regularly again for ya'll. This evening was kind of nostalgic of sitting at my computer at Gospel End in Sedgley while Bri stood in the kitchen and ate cake out of the pan with a fork. :-) I'm also writing again some essay/short story stuff but more in my head and not so much on paper. I may start putting some of that up if I'm feeling up to it.

Much love to you all! xoxo lis, your favorite American West Midlander-Midwesterner.

TaRa

2006-12-18T11:30:00.000-05:00

I had written some eloquent words in my head in the last weeks here in England upon reflection of my time here. Now, with just a couple hours before I need to get my bags to Vicki's and meet a few friends for a last meal before I head off early tomorrow, I'm at a loss for words. I'm still questioning frequently why I am even leaving England, but then realize again why with the excitement of seeing my family and my Midwestern Urban family over the next few weeks. It's still surreal it's over and just two short years ago (give or take) I was getting on the wrong busses and struggling to understand the Black Country accent. Wait! I still do that!

Professionally I think I have grown a great deal and have had some challenging cases that I may not otherwise had the opportunity to work with in the States, because there is no way I would work for direct child protection services there. I found I was able to use a lot of my skills toward strengthsbased and solution focused practice, while still balancing an improved skill to be direct with people and challenge their actions when kids were at risk. I had two of the best managers I think that probably work in the area and therefore was lucky to be on one of the best teams in general. In addition, I was lucky enough to meet some people through work that became my closest friends in this country.

Personally I think I have grown a lot, as cliche as that sounds, and although there are a few personal experiences and relationships I wished would have played out differently, I am leaving a happier and more confident person than I was when I arrived. I have had the chance to see and do loads, although there was never enough time to do it all.

I'll miss everyone that I have met through my work, travels, and personal experiences. I'll remember even the strangers who only crossed my path for a few hours or days with fond memories. I'll miss waiting for my second bus these last weeks and staring up at at a castle (albeit a bit of a shabby one). I'll miss little chat breaks with the gals at work. I'll miss greasy egg sandwiches. I'll miss the guys at CAIU and how they always made me feel relaxed in awkward cases. I'll miss cheesey Brit pop and dance music. I'll miss Sarah Hughes Darke Ruby. I'll miss Bathams. I'll miss The Robin Hood when it was still Max's pub. I'll miss Cottage Street and the little water bowl in the corner. I'll miss being driven around in Minis. I'll miss being able to take weekend trips to Nottingham, Liverpool, London, and elsewhere. I'll miss pub quizzes. I'll miss our little house and Brooksie. I'll miss pints of guinness with Tom & Tom. I'll miss dinners at Rachael's house. I'll miss wine nights at Jackie and Martyn's. I'll miss parties with Lesley and her posse. I'll miss the Big Chill. I'll miss Bri's laugh. I miss Rusty. I'll miss dancing more than I think I ever did before (I suppose I'll have to continue that now). I'll miss really good currys. I'll miss the local chippy. I'll miss gray winters. I'll miss the Welsh seaside. I'll miss Camden. I'll miss old English gentlemen that chat away to me at the bus stop. I'll miss hearing people call each other Bab, or talk about the baby (pronounced bAby), or saying Tara a bit. I could go on forever, there is so much more I will miss.

But don't worry! I hope to be back to visit soon!

Farewell you Cheeky Monkeys

2006-12-16T11:02:00.001-05:00

Today was my last day at work. I had gotten any casework left done Thursday so I was able to just hang about all day. We had a big lunch from the Chippy with everyone in the office and the Care Management and my team gave me an amazing collection of gifts. How am I going to pack all this stuff??? The highlight by far was a scrapbook put together with various reminders of events, our local sandwich shop and experiences, along with lots of lovely comments and farewell remarks. They even found a "cheeky monkey" to attach to it. I read the first page, which was the minutes from the first team meeting I ever attended and had to close it and save the rest to read alone at home. After saying goodbye to many people at work and having a lovely but emotional day, a few of us headed out for my last night out in Wolverhampton. Now, Wolvo is not the coolest place to go out and Cheeky Monkey's is definitely not the coolest bar or club I've ever been to, but it became iconic for the fun times we had there, often showing up at the end of the night and dancing our socks off. We started at the Little Civic, my favorite pub in Wolvo and Max and Marine also came out to wish me farewell. We got to Cheeky's I think earlier than I had ever been there before but the crowd of smarmy young men soon filled in the crowd . We danced our way away from them everytime they came near. It was a fun night, although I did cry when they played Like a Prayer (which I had asked the DJ to play about five times) because that's Nikki and I's "song."

Santa, his elves and a few of his reindeer even made an appearance at Cheeky Monkey's for my last Friday night in England.

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